Attention - Free Rent In Minnesota

A few weeks a wonderful Chicagoite? Chicagonian? Chicagogander? Let's just call him John Doe, said he was waiting for a post with something similar to the title above:

Attention - Free Rent In Minnesota

I posted it again in case you couldn't see it or it was too far for you scroll up to see since I am sure you use some hindering resolution similar to 640x480. We don't do that in Minnesota.

Since the challenge (I considered it a challenge) I have been having a hard time thinking of a way to lure you into this fine state with Free Rent.

Here are the possible solutions I had and their downfalls:

1. Squatting - There are many places to squat in this city and you can even use the squatters symbol (like they did two doors down (no, not the band or the other lesser known (don't worry) flint area band)). Sure there have been some amazing actions in Minnesota helping people stay in their homes when they are being evicted around here (it gets cold here (trust me, you will love the weather)). The problem is, people squat everywhere, all over the country and world.

2. My Couch/Spare bedroom - As much as I would love to see all of you, I don't think my house can fit all of my family and friends (The entire lot (6) of you).

3. House Van - This is the best option. Did you know that Minnesota has the highest number of awesome nomadic van dwellers? It probably doesn't. I just made that up. Anyway, one of my friends (from Indianapolis) already has a preferred parking space behind my house to park his future van house any time he wants. Once again, not everybody can live in my tiny parking pad in the alley.

There are more options, but they all end in the same place. You can't all fit in my house or they are no different that living in any other place. So, since you now understand that your city is no different than mine for free rent, quit your long search for a free place to live and just live here, since it is apparently the only thing holding you back.

What kind of... this one sucks. Make up your own "What kind of XYZ does your ABC city have to offer?"

Cycles, Cycles, Cycles

After describing the amazing Pedal Pub to everybody, I decided to make cycles (in their many forms) be the next tangent for the foreseeable future (just to clarify, I do not mean unforeseeable, because I do know how many posts this tangent will contain). I know most of you were thinking after the last post (feel free to tell me what happens when somebody assumes), that gigantic quadracycle looked amazing, but how would that be a practical way to traverse the city, especially since you need 8-10 people to power it. This is correct, unless all my friends move to Minnesota, then we will always have an abundant supply of leg power. Well, do I have a solution for you. Bicycles. 2 wheels instead of 4. What a simple fix. Sure, each of your cities has bikes and many of you (hopefully) own a bike. I'm so glad for you, what a great accomplishment for your city (spoken in the tone when you demean somebody by saying "that's cute"). I did a little research (known as hanging ...

Ice Skating Rinks

Since the Winter Olympics are starting very soon, I felt like explaining something cool about the winter and Minnesota. Scattered throughout the Twin Cities metro are Ice Skating/Hockey(with boards)/Broomball rinks, outside, in many parks. The best part of this is they are free (and maintained) for people to use. In your city, you may have ice rinks or ice arenas inside large buildings (eyesores) for you to escape your boring, non-winter reality; these are places you have to pay to enter. Well not in Minnesota. We believe that ice skating is a natural human right, or something like that. I understand you can argue that we pay taxes to keep these ice rinks around. I cannot deny that, but here is why it is better than paying your 5-10 dollar admission to skate in your arenas. 1. We pay taxes for the awesome parks (which we have in abundance and I can post on that later) already, so the land is already there. You could say we are making sure we use the park year round, by flooding it with...

Welcome To Pig's Eye

All of our cities and states have their interesting histories (not really yours, only mine does) that we can all be proud of or just baffled by. Sometimes the history is something that only the They Might Be Giants will appreciate. Well, in the honor of Constantinople and New Amsterdam comes Pig's Eye, the city name that may only be rivaled by Porkopolis (apparently just a nickname, but a wicked nickname). Pig's Eye, the once great name of what we now all refer to as Saint Paul, was the heart and center of all culture in the entire world and center to civilization during the... I had to stop myself there. None of that culture and worldwide civilization stuff is true. Pig's Eye is just a great name for a great city. It all started with Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant , that nice looking man who thrived in a town that eventually was named after him (well at least after his nickname because I am fairly certain that his parents (nor legally through some gov...

Get My Friends To Move To Minnesota

Search This Blog